Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
