If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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