are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
