So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize