theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
