Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
this is an emotional support booty call
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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