As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
