Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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