Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
