I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
