Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
