You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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