either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
