swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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