She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
