I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
