so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
