I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
