Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize