wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
