Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
