I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
