You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
