you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
