Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
