Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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