So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
