He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
