Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
a search helicopter?!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just high enough for therapy.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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