girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
