You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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