she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
