Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
