these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
