So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
