i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
