Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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