Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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