so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
