I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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