I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm just crazy horny about you
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
