This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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