I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
