do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
