I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
