You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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