3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
