Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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