so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
