Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
