Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
the raccoons are back...
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