I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I want you more than these girls want KFC
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
