I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
