im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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