she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
