clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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