My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize