3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
