Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
