I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
