he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
