Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
