im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
