Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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