A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
