be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Never underestimate the power of titties
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
