I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
