i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
